It’s ten months since I decided to go on a journey of being my authentic self. Yet, I’ve only published one blog post. This is no indicator that I have not tried - I have several semi-completed posts in draft. For this reason, I’ve had to ask myself, “Why is doing this so difficult for me?” I’ve had some time to think about this and here is what I came up with.
1. I love being in the shadows.
As much I’ve had this desire to put my thoughts and feelings on various topics out there, I’ve always loved being out of the spotlight. My dilemma is that I’m hoping that someone somewhere will read my blog and be able to relate to what I’m sharing but another part of me also hopes that not many people will find it and I can happily type away at my keyboard in anonymity.
2. I have an image of myself that I’d like to protect.
Let’s face it - we all have those few people in our lives who just think we’re that super awesome, well balanced individual who has his/her shit together. The vain part of me wants to hold on to that. I also don’t want those individuals to be disappointed in my humanness.
3. The fear of making a mistake.
My thoughts and feelings are NOT always pretty. Okay, they’re hardly ever pretty. Luckily, I have learned sufficiently the art of keeping my mouth shut and my eyes averted in order to save myself from the horror of having to retract my words. In this age of screenshots and screen recordings, everything I put on this page can be immortalized. *gulp*
4. I just want it all to be perfect.
Oh yes, this right here. I have a list of unpublished blog posts sitting in my drafts because I don’t think they’re good enough. Even while I am writing this, I am thinking that maybe I should not post this because I have not chosen an image to use with it. Well, not today. I have promised myself that I am going to post this as imperfect as it may be. It’s progress that matters.
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